Underworld Evolution - Huh?

"There has been a war raging between the [insert name] and the [insert name] for over [insert number] years and now the blah, blah, blah, bullcrap, bullcrap, bullcrap..."

F*ck off with these plots assh*les, it has been done to death. Just make it stop, make it stop... Make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is one of the most painfully bad films I've had the displeasure of watching in recent memory (and I just watched Seagal's latest so that's saying something!), the performances drift between utterly wooden to overtly camp; the script is bogged down by an overly complex history - which is not interesting anyway- and scene after scene of painful exposition is required just to try and explain all this crap that we don't care about anyway because the heroes are such dorks.

Some people might mistake all this complicated backstory as complex, therefore intelligent... wrong! This film is NOT intelligent, intelligent films make sense. The complex backstories of each character and the general history of the feud between Vampire and Werewolf is needlessly complicated, and seeing as I don't care about the charmless protagonists why am I going to bother listening to all this sort of dribble: "So you're a werewolf vampire mix, I'm a vampire and he's the father of both a vampire and a werewolf, so therefore if I drink his blood and have sex with you I will become... um, something else and then I can defeat that big bat guy... right?" I mean really, what the f*ck is all this crap and why am I meant to care?

Occasionally the sleep inducing talking scenes are interrupted by a burst of stylish action, but it's not enough to save this turkey.

God help us if this guy really ends up directing Die Hard 4.

3/10